Alright. Lets diddley-iddly do this (to quote Ned Flanders from the Simpsons). TWEEET! The whistle blows and we’re off! My friends and I are competing in a team marathon of 40 kilometres, and I have a good feeling that we’re going to win. It’s our first time, but I reckon we’ll do alright and maybe even claim the first prize, 50,000 v-bucks. So far we’ve run about a kilometre. I look back on my team to tell them to go faster, but they were already exhausted. Uh-oh. They’re tired already? How are we going to manage like this?
Aaah. Can life get any better? Me and my best buddy Jackson are sitting on my couch, playing Fortnite and eating barbeque potato chips. He’s come over to my house for a sleepover and so far we’ve been staying up all night playing Fortnite. I am tier 99 and I need a win to get to tier 100, but the Fortnite servers are shutting down to update to season 7. So basically, I need to win this game to get to tier 100 and there is no other way. There is only one person left and… he 360 no-scopes me and I die, and then he does take the L. “NO WAY” I scream, and throw the controller across the room, which shatters against the wall. “Dude, let’s just watch some television.” Jackson says. He changes the channel and weirdly enough, we seemed to be on the television. I moved my hand and the me on the screen moved his and too. Okay, this was too weird. Then suddenly it showed both me and Jackson dying. Uh oh. That can’t be good.
Well, here I am. Billy the dancing gorilla, performing for my first time at the Da Silva circus. Whoo, boy. Here we go. I have to dance across the tight rope, with no harness, no nothing, just a pretty little pink tutu. If a fall, it’s a 100 metre drop onto solid yellow bricks. I would definitely perish. Ok. Let’s do this. I climb up the ladder and start taking deep breaths. Ok. I can do this. No I can’t. Yes I can. No I actually can’t. I climb down the ladder as fast as I can and see two big emu guards coming. Oh crap. This is the time to start running. So I do.
“O’ mighty Oracle, tell us the answer to life, tell us the answer to the universe, and tell us the answer to everything and everything! Tell us the answer to the question that people have pondered for millions of years! Tell us the ultimate answer!” Says Fredougle the third.
“Ok,” Says the Oracle in a deep, raspy voice. “The answer to the question of life, the universe, everything and anything, the answer to the question that people have pondered forever. The answer to this question is…”
“WHAT? Why is the answer?”
“Because I said so.”
My first ever bungee jumping. Hoo boy. I’m so scared. Actually no, more than that. I’m horrified. I’m 100% petrified. What if the bungee line breaks? What if I fall off the bridge before the guy has even tied the know around my ankles? It’s not too late to back out. The guy is still doing up the ropes around my ankle. He is almost finished and… Yep, now its too late. I can’t back out. Strangely, this reminds me of a time previously, like I’ve done this before. Weird, It’s like Deja Vu, but stranger. And then the guy pushed me off the edge.
The epic 30 kilometer long tug of war between Australia and America. Every single person in Australia and America is here. Babies, old ladies, pregnant mothers, overweight fathers, even Donald Trump is here (though he is surrounded by security guards). The tug of war started half an hour ago, and no progress has been made. Oh? What’s this? I am getting reports that the rope is starting to break! It’s down to three strands! Two strands! The last strand! And the rope has broken and everyone competing has now fallen backwards onto their heads and is now dead. So all the other countries built a memorial to commemorate the loss of the entire Australia and America.
My amazing cupcake. Well, my soon-to-be amazing cupcake. I haven’t baked it yet. But I am about to. I pour in one cup of sugar, one cup of milk, 1 and a half cups of flour and some vanilla flavouring. But what colour should it be? I reckon purple. I put in two droplets of purple food colouring. Perfect! Oh wait! I almost forgot a pinch of salt! I grab the salt shaker and slowly grind the tiniest bit of salt out. But then the lid breaks off and salt goes everywhere. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My amazing, beautiful, perfect cupcake! Ruined!
*note: this is not an actual recipe for a cupcake
High jump. Oh my god. I’m so nervous. It’s the year 2156 and I’m at districts for athletics. I’m in high jump. In case your some old person who’s reading this time capsule that we sent back in a time machine, right now your probably dead. But I’ll still tell you how we do high jump here in the future. We all meet right beside Northlite River. We then take turns at climbing up some stairs and jumping off the plank made of cyllerbernetic wood (which probably hasn’t been invented yet) and into the cooked snot of a Chelbernite (which is super soft). And that is how we do high jump in 2156 (oh and by the way Fortnite is still in fashion).
I pressed the magic button in the magic building of the magic lands of Magiclanderiaville. The wall behind the button slid open, creaking as it revealed the magic room behind it. I walked in… stepped on a booby trap and went hurtling down a huge dark tunnel. Damnit! I always fall for those stupid booby traps. Especially the ones with fire. And the ones with axes. And the ones with darts. But anyway, I landed on a bunch of pillows with a soft ‘plop’. I got up and looked around. In the center of the room was a magic portal. I took a deep breath and stepped through it. Where will it take me? Will I survive?
(please pretend that this door is in a room and not outside- use your imagination)
Volcanoes. What wonderful things. Sure, sometimes they kill people, but so what? That’s their own fault for not being careful enough around volcanoes! Anyway, I, the world’s most famous volcanologist, am about to look deep into the heart of the hottest volcano, Wuppamungachunga. I’m trekking up the side of it, and I’m about halfway there.
Three quarters of the way there!
Eleven twelfths of the way there and…………
Yes! I’ve made it! I’ve made it to the very tip top of the Wuppamungachunga volcano. Woohoo! So, as I looked over the edge, I saw the volcano brimming with la… Balloons? Ok, somebody’s messing with me here!